WHY DID IT HAVE TO END THIS WAY?

As Kayla rides into the sunset, on your screens Down Under, I’m left to wonder what could have been. Although it’s been several years, I still have mixed emotions about those final Days. During my last year, after Patch left the show, Kayla was turning into an idiot.

Her behavior was ridiculous. Kayla had been a strong woman and, even without Patch, she could have evolved into an interesting and independent person. Instead, well, you saw it, folks. I received hundreds of letters from fans disappointed in Kayla. These letters begged me to bring back the real Kayla. For 12 months I tried.

On behalf of my fans and myself, I protested to the producers and pleaded with them to write storylines consistent with the true Kayla. I wanted Kayla to mourn the loss of Stephen. I wanted Kayla to visit his grave. When Stephen was dying, I wanted Kayla to climb onto the hospital bed to be with him. The producers said, “No Way!” I did it anyway. From then on we were in constant conflict and I should have seen the end coming.

Because we were at odds, I was in a bad position when it was time for me to renew my contract. As a condition for staying, I asked the producers and writers to assure me they’d write storylines consistent with the old Kayla. Al Rabin, a producer who’d been with the show for 15 years, strongly supported Patch and Kayla and was my one ally. Unfortunately, Mr. Rabin was fired right in the middle of my negotiations.

The new producer, hired off The Young and the Restless, didn’t give two hoots about Patch and Kayla. He brought in his own people and his own storyline ideas from that soap. He refused to offer any assurances about Kayla and in essence, fired me. I was stunned. As a parting token, however, they finally allowed Kayla to visit Stephen’s grave to say goodbye. And I remember shooting that last episode, when Kayla was leaving. Rehearsing the goodbye scene in the Brady’s’ house was quite devastating. I couldn’t get through it without crying. When it came time to shoot the scenes, I was a wreck.

If I hadn’t been so emotionally involved, I’m sure I could have acted sadder. I tried to hold in my really sad feelings for fear of blubbering my head off! Looking back, I realize it was time for me to leave. Kayla was deteriorating and I was too. But when I look back, it is with much happiness.

I loved being a part of Patch and Kayla. I particularly enjoyed the Civil War storyline because it was passionate and romantic. We shot on location in Charleston and wore nostalgic costumes. I enjoyed being a Southern Belle and Stephen was a very handsome Yankee!

There were some great moments, like the drunk scene and “The Lady in Red” dance sequence, but the birth of our baby held special meaning to me. The ultrasound pictures and heartbeats were the actual ones of my own daughter. And I was thankful I didn’t have to hide behind those huge purses, like I did during my first pregnancy.

But it was the deaf storyline that changed my life. Stephen and I worked hard and the acting was heartfelt. We learned signing and became involved with hearing impaired children and charities. It was a great acting challenge to communicate without speaking. Finally, to speak at our beautiful wedding on the boat…well, you can’t get better!

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